Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The zombie pirate apocalypse is coming

[I was going to put this ad on the Eve Online recruitment forums, but I forgot Incarna was starting today. So while everything is down, you can read it here first.]


Pirates. You all know about them. But something worse is coming. Zombie pirates. Be it a zombie pirate uprising, fast rage virus zombie pirate or shambling zombie pirate outbreak, eventually there will be more pirates than you can poke a stick at. And most of them will be zombies, wanting your brains. 'Loot', they call it. But we know the truth.

Of course, as members of The Punishers we're prepared to defend the galaxy's homes, families and way of life from these zombie pirates by using our exceptional knowledge of intel management as well as zombie pirate uprising and counter-zombie pirate attack computer simulation training (eg. making sure we don't run out of Twisties and cans of V while spending entire weekends playing Eve Online).

But even with our steadfast dedication to the cause and our staunch ability to survive, we must concede that some of our kin will be lost to the all consuming zombie pirate horde. Are you really as prepared as you could be? Are you REALLY safe?

We are making preparations for Galaxy War ZP (for Zombie Pirate) and we think you'll be interested. Why slum it alone on a backwater planet armed only with a machete when you can spend your time sheltered in a cozy modern ship with a nice bottle of Quafe?

We are building up impressive defensive positions and looking to fill our numbers with the best of the best. The soldiers, and the survivors. You'll want to do your bit to preserve the invaluable knowledge of humanity and build a brighter future even after the last autocannon round has been spent and the final ration-pack has been eaten.

After many hard choices it's been decided that membership will only be offered to those pilots with previous combat experience.

But don't think that just because you know your way around a Tech 2 frigate and you own a T3 Strategic Cruiser that you automatically qualify. To ensure your survival against the zombie pirate hordes you'll also need to have:

- at least 10 kills on your personal Battleclinic killboard
- the skills to fly battlecruisers, covert ops, and recon ships
- an intense desire to save the galaxy from the pirate horde
-

Miners will get eaten and even smug Transport pilots will be at the mercy of the horde, but if you can deliver tactical and combat successes in a relaxed, people-centric corp then your tasty brains are a commodity that we are very keen to have. (Not eat, ok? Just so we're cool about this there's no brain eating in this role whatsoever).

(Honestly)

Applicants for The Punishers should also have a sense of humour. And be willing to help the corp grow. And not want to eat brains.

Any questions? If you have any, send an evemail to Alexia Morgan.

If you have no questions, just apply to join us. We'll arrange an interview with you, and if you pass the test (which may or may not involve a bowl of tempting brains being put on the table in front of you) your application will be accepted and you will become another proud member standing between the zombie pirate horde and the rest of humanity.

Join us. The galaxy is depending on you.

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